My Testimony
Tim Toepper
I was raised in a Christian home, My father is a Lutheran minister, so I cannot remember a time in my life that I didn't recognize God and Jesus as my Savior, That being said, I also know that I am a sinner and I have spent a good portion of my life in a rather rebellious state, I stopped going to church regularly at about the age of 17. While I knew there was a God. I felt that He really didn't have much interest or control over my life. God had other plans. He allowed me to go on doing those things that He knew would bring me down, until I reached that critical moment where I had to turn to Him or lose everything.
About seven years ago I began to look into religion again, it may have been a response to the Y2K hysteria, but I began by reading parts of the Bible and looking at various "Gnostic" documents. I also began to attend a Bible study with some people I knew from work. It didn't take me long to realize that the Gnostics were "wrong", and the Bible was "right", but my understanding was of an intellectual nature-not really spiritual.
Over the years (we've been married 19 years), my wife and I had had some marital difficulties, the details of which I will not go into here, but it was about this time that they were becoming their worst. I have to say that most of the problems we had were my fault. I was not behaving in a very Christian manner for most of our marriage. I was not the "head" of the wife, nor did I submit to her, I was just doing my own thing.
It was about five years ago when it came to a head, and she said that she was leaving me. As a stone-headed fool I asked why. She explained all the things I did that she didn't like, and all the things I didn't do that she would like (not for the first time either), As I was trying to process this information, it suddenly stuck me that our relationship was very much like my relationship with God. There were many things I did, and didn't do that must disappoint Him as well. She wanted me to behave a certain way not because I cared about doing it, but because I cared about her! At the same instant that I finally understood that, I understood God's desire for me also. I understood the sacrifice that He made on the cross for me and my insulting behavior towards Him. The dual guilt that suddenly crashed over me was excruciating. The pain was nearly overwhelming. There was nothing I could do for the next half hour but cry, curled up on the bed in the fetal position. I was sorry for my sin and sorry for being a rotten husband. Finally, the tears dried and I was able to explain in a shaking voice that I understood now, and with God's help I would do better. As of the writing of this, she has not left yet, thanks be to God.
That is my "testimony" for what it's worth. It is the first time I experienced true repentance and I have since learned to walk in the way the Lord would have me do, though I recognize also that He has a lot of work to do on me yet!
Tim Toepper
